Long Time, No Blog

Hello again, sorry for the long interval! I've been quite overwhelmed with life the last few months. Everything feels as though it’s been set to warp speed since my last post, so buckle up for a brief (haha) update. 

Sadly, I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis in October. I was very much hoping not to add that particular jewel to my ever growing collection, but there you go. I can say that now, it’s actually taken me three months to attempt to wrap my head around that one and have only been able to do so since it is not affecting me at the moment (thank god). Happily, I’m back to eating and drinking at a level which would make any of my extended family proud! There’s no apparent rhyme or reason as to why my stomach has decided to start working again but it has. I’m really not going to interrogate too far as to why, lest I anger the digestion gods, who may decide to strike me with some new syndrome in reward for my nosiness. I’m obviously over the moon about not being sick everytime I eat, especially because we were on the cusp of starting an elemental diet (An all liquid diet comprised of a medically balanced formula). I’m not keen on the idea of starting an elemental diet because oddly, I don’t find the colour brown overly appetising and for some reason they don’t make mojito flavour formulas, I checked. Sadly, this is still very much in the cards for the future as my stomach could change its mind and go back on strike at any time. 

Another big development is that after much deliberation and help from the NHS and my parents I’m about to become the proud owner of an electric wheelchair! You might well be confused as to why I’m getting an electric wheelchair but the truth is my new ambition is to become a drag racer and thought it would be a good gate-way vehicle to help me practice drifting. 

In reality, it has become clear through research and doctors’ appointments that full recovery isn’t a realistic fixed-term goal and that slow and gradual improvement is what we should be focusing on (that was a bit of a bombshell - and when I say bit I mean huge freaking country demolishing bombshell). We now understand that since the age of 12 I have been following a ‘boom and bust’ cycle, which basically means using too much energy when I’m feeling better and then crashing out and being really sick. The hope with the new chair is that I can start to rejoin the world of the living more slowly, possibly helping me to do what I’d like without using as much energy and avoiding a huge crash. The electric wheelchair should also mean that I’ll slowly be able to become more independent and go out by myself to meet friends and eventually get a job.

I’m writing this the night before my wheelchair will be delivered and if I were being completely honest, I would tell you that I am very nervous. I am excited for all the reasons I stated above but in this second, I’m nervous of this new world I’m about to enter. The way I see it a manual wheelchair means I’m basically normal (... right?) but an electric chair means I’m definitely an over-achiever in the special needs department. It is deceivingly hard to categorise yourself when you’re sick. There’s no scale on which you can measure yourself to see that your are a level 47 sick person or an email alert saying “Congratulations, you have graduated from ‘ill’ and now officially qualify for ‘decrepit’! 

Instead I just spend a lot of time telling myself that yes, I am disabled but I’m not ‘properly’ disabled because I might have an electric wheelchair but it’s only a small electric wheelchair so I’m not sure it really counts. (Note to self, it’s a wheelchair, of course it counts as disabled!) 

All in all and eventful start to the new year. Hopefully, this is the first of more reliable writing, but it’s a little hard to type with your head stuck in the sand so I’m sure you’ll all understand if it takes me a while to re-adjust to life above ground!